I have just been doing a trawl of the internet looking at the things people claim can calm wedding nerves. Here is a quick list of the more unlikely / interesting. As the saying goes do not try some of these at home, you have been warned:
- A bouquet of flowers (from a florist)
- New shoes (from a shoe shop)
- Walking backwards (from a strange person with a blog who claimed this worked for her)
- Walking forwards (from a walker - actually there is something in this if the walk is in the country)
- Licking a stone (Odd cult as far as I could make out)
- Waggling your tongue (no other instructions I am afraid)
- Sex (Good distraction but I doubt you could keep it going through the ceremony even if you could keep it going for the 18 months before - good way to lose weight though)
- Perfume (from a perfume shop)
- Not thinking (I assume they meant not thinking about the wedding but the advice was to calm wedding nerves stop thinking.)
- Solving equations (A mathematician)
- Sky diving (Would certainly put the wedding nerves into perspective)
- Shooting deer (American hunter - might cause problems at the ceremony)
- Listening to your hair grow (er…)
- Concentrating on getting divorced (I assume to the previous person)
- Powdered dogs claws (I’m not too sure of the chemical composition of dogs claws …)
- Shopping (Replace the wedding nerves with poverty anxiety)
- Clenching a pen between your buttocks (An remedy from a Ugandan blog)
- Stabbing yourself with pins / knifes / forks (Not acupuncture this was to do with concentrating on the pain rather than the wedding nerves)
- Getting a secret lover (not sure this is in the spirit of getting married I have to say)
- Planning an attack on the Taliban (US soldier, not something everyone can join in with I feel)
- Fighting the Taliban (ditto)
- Getting in trouble with the law (might miss the wedding with that one)
- Drugs of several types, both legal and illegal (Don’t do it)
- Drink (Ditto)
- Hiding
- Picking fights with your sister
- Shoplifting (Eh?)
- Chocolate (Nice but fattening and unlikely to work)
- Staying away from the aliens (must the nerve ray guns that are doing it)
- Putting string in your shoes
- Garlic (I thought that was for vampires)
- Carrots (Eating them I assume)
- Wiping a slice of potato over your forehead
Internet land is a wonderful and diverse place…
