Overcoming Fear: What is and what isn’t a phobia. Eating peanut butter and the odd case of the spotless garage.

August 31st, 2009

“I have a phobia about peanut butter. I hate the way it sticks to the roof of my mouth” Jenny stated. “Ugh” she added, shuddering and shaking her head at the thought.

“A phobia?” Claire asked

“Oh yes an absolute phobia. I really hate it. Even just the thought of eating peanut butter and getting it stuck … ugh!” Jenny replied as she shook her head again making a disgusted face as she did so.

“Wow you hate it that much?” Claire enquired smiling warmly at her friend.

“Yes that much” as she pulled a face again.

“Do you find that you think about it much, Jenny?” Claire asked

“No not really. Unless of course someone offered me a peanut butter sandwich, then I might.”

“Oh ok and if you saw a peanut butter sandwich” Claire paused “what would you do?”

Jenny looked puzzled “Not much as long as no one forced it on me”.

“Ok and how does this affect your life?”

“Claire you are teasing me. It doesn’t really affect my life at all. I just don’t want to eat peanut butter as I don’t like the sensation.”

“Then my dear, you do not have a phobia. You might not like it, but not liking peanut butter is not the same as having a phobia you know.” Claire stated.

“Oh, er so what is a phobia if that isn’t one then?” Jenny asked.

“Well you know Karen from number 43?”

“Yes what about her?” Jenny replied, eagerly. Delighted that she might be about to get some juicy gossip about the odd woman across the road.

“Well have you seen her in her garage?”

“No why”

“You watch next time she goes into her garage. Just see what happens.”

“Claire!” Jenny exclaimed “I can’t wait that long. Tell me. Now or I’ll explode!”

“Ok firstly their garage isn’t like yours or mine – it’s spotless and there is absolutely no junk and cleaner than out kitchens!”

“Oooo. Yes and?”

“She has a small piece of rope that she pulls the car out with. She never ever drives it out. You will never see her actually in the garage.”

“How does she keep it spotless then?” Jenny asked

“Her son has to keep it clean”

“But why? That’s really odd”

Claire look directly at her friend “Spiders. She is a total arachnophobic.”

“Arachnophobic?”

“Yes a phobia of spiders. The main thing about a phobia that make them different from just a fear or a dislike is how intense the reaction is to the feared object or situation. A phobia means that the individual has an irrational, intense obsessive and excessive desire to avoid the object. In Karen’s case, spiders; she won’t even go in her own garage and makes her son keep it spotless just in case there is a spider there.”

“Oh I had no idea” Jenny replied, clearly shocked.

“Yes a phobia rules your entire life and controls what you will and wont do; all the time.”

“How awful”

“Exactly. So whilst you might not like peanut butter I don’t think it’s a phobia for you.”

Jenny looked at Claire. “When you put it like that…”

Wedding Nerves: Something I hadn’t considered…

August 30th, 2009

I am in the process of writing a series of articles about wedding nerves and anxiety. You can find them at http://www.fearcourse.com/articles-and-notes.html. We have just completed six months of research looking at wedding nerves from the perspectives of:

  • The bride
  • The groom
  • The best-man
  • The father of the bride, and
  • The mothers’.

The obvious omission are the bridesmaids. I realised this and we are about to rectify this omission to the research.

However the less obvious omission and one that I certainly hadn’t considered are the personal close friends of the bride (frequently) and those of the groom (less frequently).

I was talking to a group of people yesterday and we got onto the subject of wedding nerves. One of the group told us about a wedding she went to of one of her close friends and how she found the lead up to the wedding so terrifying that she decided not to attend. She subsequently reversed this decision on the eve of the wedding and went but suffered from a series of panic attacks the night before and was at times rigid with fear during the day. Today I did a bit of searching and found quite a few reports of wedding nerves and anxieties with the friends of the bride and less frequently, but still quite prevelent with the friends of the groom.

I have to say I was surprised at this finding, but I have subsequently turned up quite a lot of data on this particular phenomenon.

So why do friends suffer from wedding nerves? In my next blog all will be revealed.

Emotional resilience research: resilient individuals show a bias towards positive emotions.

August 25th, 2009
Some research published in April’s Journal of Affective Disorders (2009 Apr;114(1-3):286-93) by Arce et al from the Department of Psychiatry, University of California supports the hypothesis that that resilient individuals show a bias towards positive emotions when faced with uncertain or ambiguous emotional expressions.
I will write a fuller review and critique of this paper in our articles and notes section shortly. Dx

Emotional Resilience in the news: The problem with developing emotional resilience across organisations.

August 24th, 2009

A story about the US military providing $117 million worth of emotional resilience training for the troops on active service ostensibly has been doing the rounds in a number of news agencies around the world. Combat stress in the UK has called for a similar effort in the UK.

I have been doing some work with the UK Ministry of Defence in this area, but I have to agree with Combat Stress. More could and should be done and not just to reduce post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), although this is an excellent reason for helping people develop emotional resilience. Emotional Resilience also helps people perform better in stressful situations, make better decisions in those situations and keep relationships healthy both at work and home to name but a few.

You really don’t need to go as extreme as the military to capitalise on the advantages of investing in developing better emotional resilience in a work force. In the organisations I work with (from the emergency services to postal workers, academic staff to admin workers) they have all seen benefits not only in reduced absences from work for stress related reasons, but also pulse surveys showing

  • increased satisfaction at work,
  • better working relationships,
  • better decision making at all levels,
  • people being more prepared to make decisions and
  • people more able to deal positively with change, and
  • greater levels of involvement in business innovation.

Emotional resilience is finally finding it’s feet and organisations and their people are benefiting from a real win / win. Unfortunately the levels of expertise in this area are still pretty rudimentary with consultants using inappropriate approaches in organisational settings, basically just transferring basic counselling and coaching techniques to wider settings. I am not questioning the value of these approaches on an one-on-one individual basis. Developing emotional resilience across entire organisations requires a bit more of a strategic approach than just scaling up individual personal development tools and techniques.

Ha Ha Bonk: Laughing your way to emotional resilience.

August 19th, 2009

What goes ha ha bonk? - Someone laughing their head off. (or should that be ‘lol bonk’ these days?)

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was brilliant.

In 1979 Norman Cousins, a journalist published a book called Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient. In it Cousins describes how he suffered from inflammatory arthritis, a painful and debilitating illness. He also describes how with the aid of Marx brothers films he was able to reduce the pain and the inflammation, eventually returning to work.

So can humour or humor if you are American (you missed out the most important part of humor - u!)  really increase our emotional resilience?

Does laughing help us overcome fear and reduce pain? In the next few articles (in http://www.fearcourse.com/articles-and-notes.html) and blogs I will review the evidence and have a few chuckles along the way.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Interupting cow

Interupti..

MOO!

So thank moo for reading this blog - more soon. Lol, he he and ha ha.


Emotional Resilience: What do you focus on ?

August 18th, 2009
What is your focus?

What is your focus?

What people focus on or their mindset makes a big difference to their level of emotional resilience.

In a study conducted by Professor Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina (published July 2009) it was found that people who consciously appreciate and positively register the times when they are happy tend to have greater emotional resilience when times are tough.

Fredrickson had 86 people keep emotional logs over a one month period. What she found was that people who recorded and were conscious of happy moments and also kept a focus on these moments as opposed to those that had a focus on when things go wrong, tended to report being happier generally. Further these people found it much easier to bounce back when things did go wrong.

Less emotionally resilient people on the other hand tended to focus on and register the unhappy events more. They have a more negatively focused mindset.

Comment: This is in line with a number of other studies which show that keeping score of happy events, remembering them and making being happy your focus is a big indicator of emotional resilience.

In my own research on disaster managers and emergency service workers, I found the emotionally resilient people tended to collect good moments and the less emotionally resilient people tended to collect and recollect the hard and difficult times more often. People who have emotional resilience tend to forget or at least focus on remembering the good times as opposed to the difficult times. Whereas people who have less emotional resilience recall the difficult times with ease, including the emotions and will play these back often.These people tend to have greater incidence of stress related illness and report felling stress more often than the people with the happy focus or mindset.

It’s like having a stamp collection in an album. Keep a happy times album is a good idea, and it is really important to leaf through the ‘happy times album’ frequently.

Fear Quote 1

August 13th, 2009

“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.”  Albert Camus

Emotional Resilience and Stress Management are not the same thing

August 12th, 2009

I was shown a course this week about emotional resilience. Basically it was stress management rebadged. Most of the participants were somewhat disappointed; they thought they were going to get something new, as the phrase emotional resilience sounds different to stress management.
So what’s the difference?
Stress management is just that, techniques for dealing with stress. Largely these tend to be relaxation techniques, which are very useful. Emotionally resilient people do tend to be less stressed, especially by critical events. However they are a bit more than good at managing stress. Some of the attributes of emotionally resilient people include:
•    Able to recognise their emotional state at any moment, especially in heightened emotional situations
•    Can change emotional state at will
•    Able to recognise the temporary nature of feelings
•    Can quickly, within seconds, work through their fears and anxieties constructively
•    Remain positive, constructive and keep going in times of danger or difficulty
•    Think quickly, clearly and objectively in times of difficulty or crises
•    Remain calm and focussed in situations others want to run from or situations where others tend to freeze
•    Able to confidently enter situations of ambiguity and uncertainty
I felt sorry for the participants as they could have gained a lot more from the day.

Emotional resilience attributes & overcoming fear: Permanence mindset v’s Interim mindset

August 11th, 2009

From our research over the last seven years, one of the key attributes of emotionally resilient people is a belief in the temporary nature of whatever is happening.This is a good technique for overcoming fear.

Many people live so much in the moment in times of crises that they can’t see beyond now, especially when they are in a heightened emotional space. The emotions are so here and now for them that they find it difficult to project out of their current situation and foresee a time when the emotion will have gone. This is called a Permanence Mindset.

What we discovered with emotionally resilient people is they tend to have a belief in the future and they know that whatever is happening now is just a phase or a passing moment. They know and believe fear is just a temporary state and they will return to normal. This is called an Interim Mindset.

When you have an interim mindset the fear starts to dissipate on its own. It doesn’t have the hold on us it once had. Our mindset is a vital tool for overcoming fear.

Phobias, fears and dislikes: What’s the difference?

August 8th, 2009

I hear a lot of talk about people with phobias. I often hear people say things like ‘I have a phobia about’ … flying, or spiders or beards or anything else you care to mention. I have just added an article to our Articles and Notes section of the website called:

Overcoming Fear: What is and what isn’t a phobia. Eating peanut butter and the odd case of the spotless garage.

The article looks at the difference between a fear, a dislike and a phobia. It is quite revieling about what people think are phobias and what phobias actually are. Mostly when people use the word phobia they mean something else.

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